PDA fae

Category: dyspraxia

  • Working with my brain, not against.

    The first benefit of discovering PDA and realising it applied to me was finding I could finally work “with” my brain. Meaning I could approach life in a way that didn’t leave me fighting with myself every step of the way. Dissociating from demand anxiety. Beginning to learn not to fawn (still working on this). Advocating for myself. Taking demand free time.

    This is true for my other neurodivergences as well (neurodevelopmental or otherwise).

    With dyspraxia, I find it easier to make progress on a craft when I work on a repetitive project. In knitting that was my blanket squares, in crochet it’s doing rows of double crochet that will eventually become an infinity scarf. (See my latest instagram post!) This drills the basic steps into my procedural memory (“muscle memory”). I also try to only learn one new stitch at a time with new projects, or maybe just one new skill – like a joining technique.

    I also focus on physical activity I find easier to coordinate. I don’t worry about team sports where I tend to let the team down. In fact, I don’t tend to bother with competitive sport at all.

    With dyscalculia, long before my diagnosis (but well after my suspicions), I learnt stats procedures “in words”. That is, I learnt the concepts in verbal form, rather than running the formulas over and over. This isn’t as easy to apply to numeracy (it’s hard to write out the concepts of the procedure for calculating a percentage I find.) It helped that Cardiff University taught the procedural concepts thoroughly. This meant I was able to verbalise the steps of a formula, rather than just being given the procedure as formulas. I probably need to practice looking at a formula and breaking it down into it’s constituent verbal concepts.

    With ADHD, it’s things like K.C. Davis’s “five things cleaning”. I struggle to sequence my actions, and approaches like this finally make it possible for me to tidy my room. It can also mean making sure I get more physical activity as this slows down my mind.

    When it comes to bipolar, it’s about working to get enough sleep. Taking meds religiously. Watching for warning signs.. but also keeping enough factors that promote well-being in your life.

    It’s also about meeting your sensory needs. I now know I find visual input very over-stimulating for example. So I wear sunglasses on sunny days. I go to smaller supermarkets where there’s fewer products and aisles. I allow myself to eat in a way that meets my sensory needs and don’t apologise for it.

    And on top of that, it’s allowing myself to stim and fidget. I was forever told to “sit still”, “stop fidgeting” as a kid. Now I know it’s a neurological need, and I meet it.

    Knowing you’re neurodivergent really is more than half the battle.

  • Advice for the teens

    Hi, you teeny terror tots

    • learn to accept deadlines as a way to channel your passions
      • whether that’s uni, starting a business, cleanliness, whatever: deadlines are a part of life. Don’t take them too seriously, because the only ultimate one is actual death, but still
    • learn to tidy AND learn to clean
      • Anyway you can, anyway how
      • These are the skills that truly prevent self-neglect
    • I bet you’re a better cook than I am!
      • If not, start out with baking
    • Embrace your own personal form of brilliance
    • Learn to use some form of AAC
      • A big part of PDA is the language aspect, and AAC helps all humans communicate
      • even if it’s just a ‘I’m ok, I’m NOT ok’ wristband – you’ll help all your interpersonal relationships
    • Learn to be ok with your own company, and learn when you’re getting too intense about one specific person
      • No one loves being the focus of a special interest/a favourite person – not even your partner
    • Forge your own paths, please: we’ve all got ways to shine.
    • Also; let’s teach this world the beauty of stimming, eh?

  • Neutral

    I made a post on my instagram about how sometimes I do not like being neurodivergent. Recently I’ve been struggling with being autistic, ADHD, (likely) dyspraxic, dyscalculic – and especially, bipolar. That it feels like it just makes life more difficult, causes more struggles and loneliness.

    My journaling tonight leads me to reflect that I would not wish for my neurokin to be self-hating.

    So I asked myself, are there good things to being different in this way. Maybe right now I’m just not seeing them, because I’m finding it really hard to create an answer to that question that lists any positives.

    But if I don’t want my neurokin to be self-hating I shouldn’t put that on myself either.

    Maybe then I can take a neutral stance, like I’ve seen many others adopt. That neurodivergence can just be neutral. It just is. It’s ok that it is, it’s a variation that is, that happens.

    And it’s ok.

  • Disability sport

    Gosh I am really loving the Paralympics this year!

    I was really upset in 2008 when Beijing was allowed to host the Olympics. It had been on the proviso that they improve their humans rights record, they did not. Despite that initial pre-requisite, they held the Olympics there anyway, and as a result, I didn’t watch for a few years – not even London 2012. Then, I missed most of Tokyo 2020 due to being pretty unwell in hospital at the time it was held (in 2021, due to covid).

    I’m still pretty upset about the 2008 Olympics, but I think catching some of the sport at the last ward whilst well enough to enjoy it just piqued my interest. The Olympics were perfectly time for the first week and a half of living completely on my own for the first time in a year. I spent most of it lazing around, either in my bed with the tv playing, or on the sofa. I slept through a lot of the events, or just listened.

    I did catch the 800m British women’s win, and the surprise rock climbing gold – I forget the respective athlete’s names at this time. Those were the highlights, alongside Botswana winning their first ever gold, that was very special.

    I’ve managed to actively watch an awful lot more of the Paralympics. Channel 4 has managed brilliant coverage of the sports. I’ve noticed they’ve employed loads of disabled presenters, and made real effort to make things accessible for disabled viewers. I also really enjoy the Last Leg shows at the end of the night – great comedy, great disability representation!

    My only gripe is that there’s no place for dyspraxic people at the Paralympics. This feels unfair to me, as dyspraxia definitely affects physical performance. It makes me feel that we should create a “Dyspraxia Games”, similar to the Deaflympics.

  • Further thoughts about dyscalculia and dyspraxia

    I think I’m much more severely dyspraxic, than dyscalculic, and it’s the one that frustrates me more. It’s annoying to struggle with basic movements on a day to day basis.

    The main frustration with dyscalculia is that it hampers me studying something like astronomy. I had a major special interest in that as a kid (as well as palaeontology, teaching myself how evolution worked at age 8).

    I’ve always been highly intelligent, described by my tutor at Cardiff University as “gifted” (my one brag in life). So it’s hard to be held back by a specific learning difficulty.

    It is still more frustrating though to be clumsy and struggle with movement. I drop things, knock things over, struggle to style my hair. Stuff that’s so basic for other people, and it really gets me judged. It’s upsetting.

  • Suspected dyspraxia

    As part of my dyscalculia assessment, the assessor screened for dyspraxia. Turns out, as I had thought, it seems very likely I have it, so she’s written a referral for me.

    I really would prefer not to have these struggles. I want to be better at sports and handicrafts. I struggled in tech lessons, with carpentry and sewing machines. I can’t run fast, I’m generally totally unable to compete in sports.

    Sometimes this can be my least favourite part of my neurodevelopmental divergences. People are very judgemental about the results of the struggle as well – they seem to only judge sensory sensitivities as much. They judge when I drop food and make a mess, for example. I’m clutzy and that gets disapproval.

    It’d be really nice if people understood better about dyspraxia, and that my clutziness isn’t just laziness or not trying.