PDA fae

PDA, ADHD, Bipolar lived experience

  • BeNeurokind

    Just found this super cute etsy shop with a range of affirming PDA related products.

    Gosh, I’d have loved a ‘yay it’s PDA’ card back in September 2022..

  • just thoughts

    This is a blog about life with PDA… but it can’t help also being a chronicle of life with bipolar. That side of things shows up mostly in how active psychosis affects how I post.

    It’s difficult to enforce no posting activity in a manic state. My inhibitions are lowered and my impulsivity is heightened. It’s much harder to think through what I’m sharing, and things that don’t make sense feel as though they do.

    Living alone also means I don’t have anyone around who can step in. No one who can say “maybe it’s best to maintain radio silence right now” while a mood episode builds.

    Hopefully, all this can at least have the positive outcome of giving readers insight into a bipolar 1 crisis.

  • Sensory reactivity and intolerance to uncertainty – my takes on a PDA study

    Sensory reactivity and intolerance to uncertainty: what characterises demand avoidance behaviors in children and adolescents with pathological demand avoidance? Rai, Rishworth, Gutierrez, and Ludlow (2026) in Research in Autism

    Well.. this is an interesting study, and I’m not sure I mean that in a good way. The authors found that sensory sensitives are the main predictor of demand avoidance in PDA kids (as measured by the “Extreme Demand Avoidance Questionnaire” or EDA-Q). Specifically, tactile sensitivity, taste and smell, and sensory seeking.

    They also state that:

    • scores on the EDA reduce with age, specifically in PDAers.
    • intolerance of uncertainty only predicts EDA in neurotypical kids

    From that, they theorise our demand avoidance helps us cope with anxiety, especially in the context of sensory overwhelm. Therefore we should look at demand avoidance as a “child’s response to their environment”, and provide suitable sensory supports.

    The measures used in the study all relied on parental report.. and I wonder if this is where this disconnect between the findings and PDAers reported lived experience creeps in. I’ve never seen a PDAer describe the reason for their avoidance of demands to be sensory related. I do see however, that we have less capacity for demands when our senses are overwhelmed. Perhaps this is what this study is detecting.

    All in all, it just reeks of an outsider perspective trying to make rational sense of the irrational nature of pathological demand avoidance. This study frustrates me, to be quite honest.

  • Hat Pattern

    Just wanted to share the link to the pattern of the hat WIP I posted to instagram

    Tiny Pompom Hat by Teti Lutsak

  • Finding the glimmers

    Trying something my therapist suggested: finding ways to be present, and notice the glimmers for the next week.

    So here are some things that bring me a little joy in my immediate surroundings:

    Of course, my Lulu
    Knitting in general – the top one is the stitch pattern for a scarf I’ve just startred
    Perception related topics
    Signed copy of Klara and the Sun
    My board games
    The kindness by post project

  • Today’s thought

    Everything on my photos app right now is: Lulu.

    That represents two things – I love her very much, but also I don’t have enough else going on in my life. It’s hard when you don’t drive in a pretty spread out, rural county.

  • A soft return

    Hello again. I’ve been away for a while, and I’m going to ease back in gently. PDAfae might look a little different from here on: less raw, broader, more short form posts and images. More of me, with no pressure, just presence.

  • Working with my brain, not against.

    The first benefit of discovering PDA and realising it applied to me was finding I could finally work “with” my brain. Meaning I could approach life in a way that didn’t leave me fighting with myself every step of the way. Dissociating from demand anxiety. Beginning to learn not to fawn (still working on this). Advocating for myself. Taking demand free time.

    This is true for my other neurodivergences as well (neurodevelopmental or otherwise).

    With dyspraxia, I find it easier to make progress on a craft when I work on a repetitive project. In knitting that was my blanket squares, in crochet it’s doing rows of double crochet that will eventually become an infinity scarf. (See my latest instagram post!) This drills the basic steps into my procedural memory (“muscle memory”). I also try to only learn one new stitch at a time with new projects, or maybe just one new skill – like a joining technique.

    I also focus on physical activity I find easier to coordinate. I don’t worry about team sports where I tend to let the team down. In fact, I don’t tend to bother with competitive sport at all.

    With dyscalculia, long before my diagnosis (but well after my suspicions), I learnt stats procedures “in words”. That is, I learnt the concepts in verbal form, rather than running the formulas over and over. This isn’t as easy to apply to numeracy (it’s hard to write out the concepts of the procedure for calculating a percentage I find.) It helped that Cardiff University taught the procedural concepts thoroughly. This meant I was able to verbalise the steps of a formula, rather than just being given the procedure as formulas. I probably need to practice looking at a formula and breaking it down into it’s constituent verbal concepts.

    With ADHD, it’s things like K.C. Davis’s “five things cleaning”. I struggle to sequence my actions, and approaches like this finally make it possible for me to tidy my room. It can also mean making sure I get more physical activity as this slows down my mind.

    When it comes to bipolar, it’s about working to get enough sleep. Taking meds religiously. Watching for warning signs.. but also keeping enough factors that promote well-being in your life.

    It’s also about meeting your sensory needs. I now know I find visual input very over-stimulating for example. So I wear sunglasses on sunny days. I go to smaller supermarkets where there’s fewer products and aisles. I allow myself to eat in a way that meets my sensory needs and don’t apologise for it.

    And on top of that, it’s allowing myself to stim and fidget. I was forever told to “sit still”, “stop fidgeting” as a kid. Now I know it’s a neurological need, and I meet it.

    Knowing you’re neurodivergent really is more than half the battle.

  • Update on “Autotelic”

    I previously posted the following

    It’s the idea of carrying out an activity for the joy of the process, not the outcome. In other words, for the reason of internal motivation, rather than external, such as grades, awards, medals, a new job. Writing a story for the joy of storytelling, not with the goal of publishing.

    I struggle with living up to this, because external motivation is so embedded in daily life. I’ve been taught to work on the basis of outcome, and aiming for a good one. It’s hard to see how one can be autotelic when an external outcome is present. E.g. studying for the process of studying, when assignments lead to a grade.

    However, I am reminded of the British olympic rock climber, who didn’t place in the medals. The commentator was surprised that he said he didn’t mind. He didn’t climb for a medal, but because he loved climbing.

    So, I think on how he could have won a medal. Would that mean he wasn’t climbing based on intrinsic motivation?

    I don’t think so. It just would have been an outcome that happened. So I try to shift my thinking to: there may be an outcome of any nature, but that doesn’t have to make the outcome the reason. I can act from the joy of the process, regardless of the presence of an outcome, and I can be truer to my own self as a result.

  • Update on previous post

    My last post discussed ways to tackle rumination. I’ve recently been prescribed a med to help me sleep, that also works on anxiety. This made it clear just how anxious I am. It also made me realise I’m not really depressed, it’s just the anxiety feels awful (I’m experiencing enjoyment for one thing).

    One of the suggested coping tools was creating a soothing mantra. I wasn’t sure this would be for me at the time of writing the last post.

    Last night though, I found myself contemplating the idea of change, and whether that could be positive. I really struggle with this. I feel that the evidence suggests that life never changes for the better.

    However, I ended up thinking “that type of change is plausible”, which I couldn’t fight against. Not possible, not inevitable, not likely. Just plausible, which of course it must be.

    So I tried repeating it to myself. I experienced that as very soothing, and it prevented the anxious thoughts from starting. This was despite forgetting to take the sleep medication. I was surprised, and very pleased, with this effect.

    I got about 16 hours sleep yesterday, so I’m awake at nearly 4am because I didn’t feel tired. For once, not because I’m too anxious.