November 26th

It’s just under a month until my first christmas as a diagnosed PDAer. Christmas is a time many PDAers, especially the kids find difficult – it’s full of demands! I don’t recall that being a problem for me, I was always quite excited to get gifts (which can sometimes pose a problem for PDA children due to representing uncertainty in what will be received).

I do recall that in my teen years some Christmasses felt like a lot of pressure to pretend to be happy when I was really very unhappy. I find Christmas when you’re not in the mood to be quite difficult, so now I tend to make an effort to get into the spirit of things to lessen that. I like buying people gifts, the decorations, and some of the traditions. I do tend to feel a sense of ‘this again, already’ though. A Christmas at the end of every year feels like a ‘lot’. It never feels that long since the last Christmas to be doing all the same routines again.

This Christmas will be a little bit special as it’s my first with my own flat to decorate. I’ll admit, I’ve already done so, because I needed cheering up at the end of the last week and my little tree arrived. It’s only small, 4 feet tall and artificial… but it’s my first Christmas tree of my own. I’m planning to keep it to use as a secondary tree in years to come, because I do love real trees. For now, in my little supported living flat though, it does nicely.