PDA fae

Tag: university

  • Module begins

    It’s the first week of the module, and I’m a week ahead. That’s because the website opens before the module commences, not because I’m superhuman and studied two weeks in the first week of term.

    It definitely feels better to be a week ahead. There’s less sense of pressure, and if I can keep up this way, I can take a rest week if I need to. I’m not sure if it’s going to be possible to get any further ahead with this module. Every week involves a lot of notetaking, so cramming two weeks into one would be very intense.

    I feel more confident now that I’ve managed a week of study in an actual week. Prior to the module starting it had taken me two or so weeks to complete the first weeks study – I think having the actual time pressure helped me register the importance.

    I like that this module moves frequently between sciences, that will keep my brain engaged and curious. I have to think about it little bit by little bit, because thinking all the way to May makes me feel rather overwhelmed. Instead, I’m trying to think in terms of tutor marked assignment (TMA), by TMA. Taking each one in turn, and focusing on the work each one needs as they come up.

    The TMAs on this module are lengthier than I’ve been used to on my previous module – rather more demanding! With gentle self care, perseverance and persistence, I shall tackle each one with mindfulness of demand anxiety. I foresee a lot of demand free time in my future!

  • The benefits of distance learning

    For a little while now I’ve been a student at the Open University. I studied previously, in my twenties, at Cardiff University. My previous degree subject was psychology, now it’s the Open Degree. I only obtained a Diploma of Higher Education last time, due to struggling with undiagnosed autism, ADHD, my first full blown manic episode, and being unsupported in recovering from trauma. All in all, my previous experience of study was not a great one. The expectation to attend lectures at a given time, for example, did not sit well with my PDA. I also struggled with the expectations around required reading – mostly because we were left to discern for ourselves what was necessary to read and in what detail. This was very difficult for me, not helped by a hyperfixation on my trauma leaving me only able to work on my coursework. We were set coursework each week, as well, giving me no time to dedicate to catching up on reading in these circumstances.

    Study at the OU is much more suited to me. We can work at whatever time suits us, as the materials are online and in a provided textbook. The tutorials are usually recorded, and are not mandatory to attend. It’s ok to get ahead, or fall behind – everything is on your own schedule. I like to stay on top of things, working on the week that corresponds to the dates suggested, as this makes me feel in control of my studies. I prefer the way that the OU study builds you up slowly, and also helps teach you study skills as an inherent part of the course – sometimes my understanding is really good, but my skills at study are weak. I used to excel in a classroom based environment, but that didn’t adequately prepare me for the independence of university level study my first time around. I feel the OU are much better at bridging this gap, and making sure you acquire these skills as you go – rather than expecting students to just ‘figure it out’.

    I much prefer this format of delivery of content as well. I like that everything is either online or in written format, and that I can work on it where ever I can transport my devices to, and get internet connection. It provides a sense of freedom that I find really helpful, as I’m not limited to a university library, lecture hall or my bedroom in student halls.

    So far, study with the OU has been a far more positive experience and I’m so glad I’ve given it a try.

  • Going back to university

    Yesterday I applied for my student finance and disabled students allowance, so it’s real now. I’m definitely planning on returning to university level study – though it might depend on the outcome of my student loan application given I’ve previously studied and received an overpayment. Hoping that works out in my favour!

    It’s exciting, but also very nervewracking.

    What if it wasn’t the fault of mental health, trauma, undiagnosed neurotypes… but just me not being good enough?

    Am I certain, if it was those things, that they won’t cause exactly the same problems again?

    Am I 100% sure I’m thrilled about the world of deadlines, assessments, assignments, citations, references, essays?

    I’m excited to learn new things, I’m excited to have a second chance to achieve a degree. I’m excited for distance learning at a more supportive university. I’m excited for the sense of purpose.

    I’m really hoping that having a better understanding of myself will provide me with better ways to address the challenges I will face. I know I’m going to have to frame studying as something I want to do, not something I have to do – as a goal on the path to living within my PDA flow. I’m also aware now that my brain thrives on novelty, not routine, so finding ways to mix up my studying should help. Equally, I could try role playing an academic, because that might help lessen the felt demands of studying.

    I’m going to be able to get accommodations for a more complete amount of my disabilities now. I especially predict that helping with ADHD, as PDA isn’t as well known or a recognised diagnosis in itself. My hope is that because my diagnostic report specifies PDA that those supporting me will have an awareness and a willingness to be flexible in their approach.

    The only aspects that aren’t covered is my complex trauma history, which can in itself be disabled when I am triggered, and re-experiencing, and potential dyscalculia. I think eventually I will have to seek a private diagnosis for both, likely starting with the dyscalculia as this will affect science modules (especially as I’m going to have to take a biology and chemistry module! Not looking forward to that – but credit requirements and prerequisities makes it necessary).