Equalising is a commonly discussed term when it comes to PDA kiddos. I’m not sure though, that adults are entirely “above” doing so, when under enough stress.
As in, for me, being on wards induces exactly this. There’s a known “us and them” effect on wards, especially NHS wards. Staff are the Us, patients are the Them. We, who are Well, Those who are Unwell.
As a PDAer, I am effectively allergic to this entire environment. It’s so stressful. I can barely cope with hierarchy at the best of times, and definitely not completely arbitrary “we’re the Staff, you are the patients” attitudes. (This forms part of my personal thinking about PDA is that we seem to come in three stripes: eglatarian, communicator or negotiator, based on which of the criteria we have most strongly. This isn’t based on anything overly scientific, just a feeling I get from observing, interacting with, and being a PDAer. I might post more on this in the future – depending on what happens with demand avoidance!) I definitely really relate to descriptions around intolerance of authority and hierarchy – as a constant trait, compared to my demand avoidance which can actually fluctuate quite dramatically.
As a result, these environments cause me to equalise. This can take a more benign form of addressing everyone in the place as a human who might be friendly, it can take the form of giving a staff member a screaming dressing down. It’s not fun, it does get me in trouble. It’s why I really need to make a big push now to stay out of psych wards, because well, they SUCK. They’re not a fit environment for any PDAer, no matter what mental health problems we have going on – far too overly restrictive. When you mix that with a poor mental state, everything goes haywire.
This is a big reason I would say, if you know you do have severe mental health problems and suspect PDA: it is very worth saving for that specific modifier in your diagnosis. Unfortunately, the NHS is only willing to include a PDA modifier in children (in some trusts). My Dr Gloria Dura Vila diagnosis has changed my life as a person living with bipolar type 1. It means the wards know they need to add support in, and that I can justify that that support needs to work very differently than they might expect. It backs up my self-advocacy efforts, and that’s invaluable – otherwise who could understand an equalising adult?
Equalising is not “good behaviour”, and I find the best thing I can do as an adult is seek out the environments that don’t provoke it. Living in my own place, in the community, with greater control over the environments I find myself in is a big part of this. For me that’s going to mean, complying with my clopixol injections and doing my best to thrive now. It’s been a rough few years, but here’s hoping I can head onwards and upwards now!
PDA fae 