PDA fae

Tag: pathological demand avoidance

  • A small success

    I’ve been struggling with maintaining my flat for a while now. I experience it as a big ‘ought to’ and I also find that I rebound with avoidance on this sort of task after complying with externally induced demands from other people.

    Telling myself that it’s ok, I don’t need to tidy doesn’t work. Clearly, I do need to tidy, so it feels like I’m lying to myself. I end up spiralling back into ‘I do need to tidy’ which becomes ‘I need to tidy everything’ which leads to ‘I can’t tidy’.

    What seems to work a little better is telling myself all I have to do is tidy one single item a day. Just one thing, put away or thrown away. Then I’m not lying to myself. I’m slowly addressing the problem in a way that I find manageable – I can handle the demand to tidy one thing that I have choice over.

    A couple of times now not having to tidy any more has lead to feeling able and willing to tidy just a little more. Not everything, but more than just one thing. I think this might have been a hack I was looking for.

  • PlumFae intro

    Hello. Welcome to this little corner of the internet, a blog about life with Pathological Demand Avoidance (or alternatively, Pervasive Drive for Autonomy). PDA is a profile on the autism spectrum. We avoid the ‘everyday demands of life’, and it’s entirely possible this entire blog will become a demand for me, but we’ll see.

    For as long as this isn’t too demanding, I’ll be covering my journey as a PDAer, including my trauma and the reasons I resorted to fawning as my primary strategy, dealing with bipolar type 1, my recovery from both, and my queerness. As I discover things that help, I’ll share them as suggestions you can consider if you wish.

    Because of the sensitive nature of my content, I will be remaining anonymous. You may refer to me as PlumFae.