Something I haven’t mentioned here is that during my stay in a psychiatric ward in 2021-22, I had a brief experience of being non-speaking. I was very manic at the time, and my mind was super busy, so I’m not even sure I was always fully aware that I wasn’t actually saying anything. I do remember pointing to make decisions on what to eat in the dining room though.
Something that stands out is being told ‘you’re a really good speaker’ by two people when I slowly started to talk again. In general.. lots of people treated me like I had intellectual disability because I wasn’t speaking. One lady did buy me ear defenders, as recommended by her autistic kid… but also a peppa pig colouring book. It definitely feels like most people assumed I was childlike in that phase of my stay. Something else that stands out is my psychiatrist saying the period where I wasn’t talking was ‘scary’, which is hard to know how to interpret.
I’ve been told that this is likely a form of situational mutism (by L, who previously worked as a speech and language therapist, and also my therapist). L suggested that probably speaking became too great a demand for me, which makes a lot of sense. I have definitely thought about how speaking is a huge demand since this experience, and one that doesn’t feel possible to avoid… but also a degree of tempting to avoid, just sometimes.
PDA fae 