Recently I’ve noticed myself fawning more again. It feels like the only way that people will accept me, that overt demand avoidance is met only with rejection, judgement, and attempts at gaining compliance.
I don’t like the experience of fawning. It’s a situation of taking my demand anxiety and shoving it deep inside to where I can no longer feel it , and going against my own nature to meet another person’s desires. It leaves me doubting whether I am actually PDA, if I am able to be so compliant.
But then, I still need carers to help me manage day to day activities. I avoid getting out of bed, or going to bed. I still only shower every other day, because daily is a demand too far.
Sometimes my PDA is less obvious for a stretch at a time – PDA is a fluctuating disability where capacity varies. No doubt times will change, and I’ll notice my demand anxiety more at some point in the near future.
PDA fae 