PDA fae

Tag: GIC

  • GIC referral

    My GP agreed to make a referral to a gender identity clinic today, which is really exciting. A lot of me can’t even believe I’ve really dared ask for this. It’s a two year waitlist to be seen for the first time which isn’t great, but as of today the process is officially started.

    I’m hoping for top surgery, because my boobs bring me a lot of dypshoria. Unfortunately, my GP informed me that in order to be eligible for surgery, I would need to spend the two years of waiting losing weight.

    Which is a huge demand.

    It’s going to be so difficult to sustain keeping active to see sufficient weight loss. I’ve been looking up beginners home workouts, and the more I looked, the more my brain went ‘no no. nope. no way’. It’s not even that I’m not motivated, top surgery is a brilliant motivator. Not having to live with so much dysphoria and misgendering is as big a motivator as it gets.

    But it’s a demand. It’s something I have to do.

    It feels impossible. Insurmountable. Something I’m never going to be able to persuade myself to do frequently enough to make any real difference.

    PDA makes life hard. It especially sucks when it gets in the way of something you’d otherwise really want.

  • Nonbinary

    I’ve recently started transitioning to live as neither male or female. I’m nonbinary. Specifically, bigenderflux. Which is to say, my gender fluctuates in intensity from male to female, e.g. gender neutral, to very female, to slightly male etc.

    I’ve known I’m nonbinary for years. I realised in my late teens, around 17/18. It felt like my group of friends at the time were very much discovering themselves as either men or women, and refining those identities. All I could feel was ‘I don’t want to have to be either Male or Female’. I’m pretty sure I experienced the gender binary as a demand. I very much wanted to encapsulate both experiences, and to have both options open to myself.

    It was from this feeling that I discovered the concept of nonbinary genders, and felt so at home. I explored a range of identities, gender fluid being one of the main ones. None felt right until I took this quiz and discovered the ‘flux’ gender identities, and coupled it with bigender.

    In the last 6 months, I’ve changed my name to a gender neutral name. My parents are largely ignoring this, meaning family friends simply haven’t been informed. At work, and at my supported accommodation though, I’m referred to by my new name and it feels so good.

    Tomorrow I have an appointment with my GP to ask to be referred to a gender identity clinic. I’m hoping to eventually get top surgery as my boobs cause me dysphoria (as does my height, but that’s not really possible to change).

    I also need to widen my wardrobe so I can present more masculine as well as femme. My friend has been helping me with this, and my key worker is planning to give me support with this as well. It’s really good to have people validating me and helping me with this. It’s good to live authentically.