As we know, when it comes to managing demand capacity it’s important to keep an eye on our emotional cup (and if this is new to you, Tomlin Wilding explains here).
I do best if I make time for things that actively restore my emotional wellbeing. Hobbies are very good for this, the sense of achievement provides a good emotional boost. As does the soothing repetitive nature of many crafts. I’ve also been trying to make time for reading recently, something I used to adore and partake of nearly constantly.
Equally, meditative practices are beneficial for me. I’ve started listening to meditations as I fall asleep in the past few days. Having a soothing voice to listen to makes the transition to sleep easier, and it’s a very easy time of day to slot a practice in. I’ve previously found loving kindness meditation to be enjoyable, and a positive experience, so I’d be open to using those again if the PDA flow takes me there.
Staying in the PDA flow as much as possible is another important practice. Not fighting myself, or pushing through, but doing things when they feel ‘right’ and I feel ready. That means not forcing myself to exercise, only doing short bursts of hobbies – or ignoring them when I need to, and finding my own rhythm for the non-negotiable aspects of life. It can be hard for me to intuit where my flow actually is, after years of living outside of it and ignoring it. It might help to use mindful observation to listen to what my mind and body are telling me about what is ‘right’ in the moment, this is something I may work on. Equally, avoiding things that actively make me feel bad is important. A big one in the last six months is realising that tiktok makes me feel absolutely awful mentally. It’s overwhelming, it’s unsatisfying.. not a good use of my time.
Being in contact with people is also important to me, I get lonely very easily. Additionally, I definitely benefit from having a good amount of anticipation and excitement in my life. These are things I discussed with my therapist who introduced transactional analysis concepts of ‘contact, recognition, incident, sex, stimulation, and structure hungers’. I seem to have a very high drive for incident, and contact, but find structure easily becomes constrictive and depressing. Framing things in a sense of psychological needs, or hungers, provided a very useful way of thinking about the pervasive sense of ‘boredom’ I’d been feeling – my needs weren’t being met, rather than life is unfulfilling.
Lastly, I want to note the event I made time for tonight, for the first time in a while: an online breathwork event hosted by https://healingjusticeldn.org/. I find it a lovely, soothing space that leaves me feeling fully connected to the here and now and my body. This is probably one of the most emotionally restorative things I could do, and attending is always a pleasure.
I want to emphasise that I’m talking here about what helps me. It’s ok if your experience differs, none of these things sound appealing, or emotional restoration looks very different for you. I have no wish to imply any sense of demand or expectation on any PDAers out there – borrow what you will from my experience, or ignore it entirely, it’s ok!
PDA fae 