PDA fae

Tag: allism

  • What if..

    I’m not actually autistic?

    What if PDA is it’s own neurotype?

    What if it’s an epigenetic related neurotype – i.e. rooted in neurodivergent trauma, but inheritable mainly through the mother line?

    What if being a super social PDAer actually makes you allistic, but also highly neurodivergent?

    What if PDA can be researched enough to prove this? What if I’m not able to, when I know so much about my own hypotheses, methods I’d use..

    What if there’s a point I have to give up, and hand over my passion to another researcher because I’m not able?

    What if, though, it does all work out? What if I can work this hard? What if I can become a truly high flying PDAer – with all my disabled complexity?

    What if, what if, what if?

    One’s thing for sure, I agree with that Newcastle Uni research that the PDA brain has an “intolerance for uncertainty”!

  • Finally home for good!

    NOTE: THIS POST IS AFFECTED BY THE REMANTS OF A SEVERE MOOD DISORDER, AND AS SUCH THE CONTENT VARIES FROM MY USUAL POSTING

    Oh gosh I felt so trapped on that ward. I literally had to run away from my discharge meeting because of that feeling – I needed to move, move move move move.

    Thankfully I know that coffee helps my brain, but that ideally it should not have milk in it (obviously!).

    Now I have my sensible meds, a sensible care co (lovely woman, B), sensible times to take them, a sensible psychiatrist in the community – and a sensible way to get diagnoses I need.

    I’ve had to defer a module at the OU which genuinely makes me very upset – but no worries, I can restart and do better than I was. It was a “bridge” module between level one and level two, which only makes me all the more determined – I will graduate this time, and probably in double time. I’ve studied full time before, I can do so again haha. For now I just need to finish the module I started and focus on the *maths content* – because everything else from that module is revise-able.

    Genuine study advice for anyone struggling: build in time to review. That’s what gets things into long term memory. My maximum working memory is literally SIX, and that’s where I get stuck – I have trouble holding things in my working memory to get to short term, to long term. My verbal working memory is better than my numerical as well, which might literally be stuck at 3 (working memory is 5 +/- 2, after all).

    As it goes, I’ll keep typing about specifically my life – here, substack, instagram, facebook. That’s all I can offer, my experience, my ways to cope: PDA style.