Recently I’ve been neglecting to make use of the tricks I practiced whilst living in supported housing. Things like “just do five minutes”, using a visual timer, “just prepping”.. I’ve not been using them.
In part because having carers takes some of the load from me – I can use them to get things done where avoidance makes things difficult. Unfortunately though, this does not foster independence in the long run, and may set me back if I become reliant on this.
Tonight, I said to myself ‘just wash up five things’ and I ended up nearly clearing all my dirty dishes. I let myself do a half-assed job, knowing that any job worth doing is worth half-assing. That relieved the pressure of demand anxiety, which had been preventing me from a number of tasks recently.
I have a laundry pile that’s unwieldy. I couldn’t shower yesterday. Days went by with no dishwashing. I still haven’t changed the bedsheets.
It’s all about making little tiny steps forward. Not pushing too hard, and respecting my PDA for protecting me. Protecting me from overwhelm, burnout, chores themselves. Gently easing into care tasks, and being gentle with my bodymind as it resists and then finds a way to proceed.
Life with PDA is a delicate balance, it seems.
PDA fae 
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