Autonomy struggles

I’ve realised tonight that I’m struggling at home due to an autonomy loss.

I’d autonomously choose to have someone around to talk to. Or at least, friends to meet up with for conversation in the evenings/call on the phone. I am craving conversation in the hours when I am alone.

That’s making everything else I could fill my time with feel like a loss of autonomy. I do love crafting, but it’s not conversation. It’s not company.

I should be excited to get a cat, but you can’t hold a conversation with a cat.

I just thrive on conversation, to the point I tend to drive most people nuts as they generally need some time of peace and quiet. I have no idea how to meet this autonomous drive of mine, and it leaves me feeling like a problem. No one else seems to have this drive to just talk at length, and at any rate, I don’t know anyone for evening conversation.

I’m not sure what the answer to this is. It feels good to identify it though, maybe it’s the first step to an answer.