It’s very hard not to feel that avoidance makes me a bad person, naughty, non-compliant, defiant, bad.
People in authority, with jobs to do, people who might get in trouble for allowing the avoidance put so much emotional pressure on. Everyone has something they’re willing to be coercive over, in my experience.
It feels, very strongly, that the only means of being safe in this world is to fawn. To comply, and dissociate from the demand anxiety this causes, even if this is at psychological cost to myself. It feels, therefore, that a PDA existence can not be a trauma free existence – because the process of doing this is traumatic in itself.
It’s awful. I hate this.
PDA fae 
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