Life is boring..

.. life feels boring?

Is life boring?

It definitely feels it recently. Life has been feeling same-y, repetitive, lacking anything truly pleasurable, or worthwhile.

I’ve also been sleeping a lot – regular 12+ sleeps, with very low demand capacity, struggling to cook, or want much food.

Sounds like mild depression to me.

So maybe life isn’t boring, but depression is making it seem that way. That’s what I’m hoping, because if that’s the case, there’s tangible things I can do about it.

Though, part of me suspects that it’s also that human society is badly set up.. if you want to get out of the house and do something, what can you do?

Shop? spend money you don’t have on things you don’t need

Cafe? Park? Library? Cinema? It’s a limited range of options.

OR

There’s go down a pub… and we wonder why drinking is so common in society.

It’s hard to think what there is to plan to go out and do with my time, that could be some spontaneous fun. I think that’s part of what I’m lacking, something different, out of the ordinary, spur of the moment… but it’s so hard to think what that could look like.

All the options just feel like another part of the mundanity.

I don’t know if depression is the reason that mundanity feels so oppressively unbearable, or not. If it’s not, I don’t know what to do about that feeling.

But working on making sure I’m looking after my mood sounds like a place to start, and nothing has to be fixed all at once. It’s a journey… and yesteday (I write this at 3am), getting some sunshine, spending time with friends … and making plans with a local healthwatch* to do work around Autistic and learning disabled people stuck in prisons and ATUs was definitely a step along that journey. Definitely feels like a bigger step than the previous day which was made up of lonely sleeping and dozing (that horrible half asleep state where you want to just pop downstairs and see people you no longer live with). But I try to remember the value of rest, and perhaps that day of doziness was just as important and restorative – and prepared me for the day I had yesterday.

*If you’re in the UK, you can find your local healthwatch here.