Let me join in, in my own time

This is something I wish everyone understood about me: that in group activities, please just let me sit and observe initially. Please don’t encourage, pressure, push or expect engagement. Usually, after a period of being allowed to do nothing but observe, the lack of expectation means I’ll get curious/bored and start to engage. It allows me the freedom of engaging on my own terms.

An example of this working successfully happened on the ward in an OT session. Annie, the OT, had brought polymer clay for people to be creative with. My first response to this type of activity is always self-doubt, feeling whatever I create will be shit. I was so glad when she allowed me to just sit and watch.. which lead to feeling curious, and finding a simple design I thought was both cute and acheiveable. I still have my little polymer clay owl, and it’s special to me.

Tonight was an example of the opposite to this. My supported housing is holding Christmas crafting sessions in the evenings on Thursdays and Fridays this month. Tonight was devoted to decorating the office space. Unfortunately, my friend and the support worker were very expressive in their expectation that I contribute rather than observe. Immediate demand anxiety ensued. It’s now some time later, and I’m left with low demand capacity even now. It’s interesting to note, having questioned in earlier posts, that I did feel the demand anxiety in response to external demands. I responded with half resistance, half fawning, and the knowledge that I need to communicate my need to be allowed to observe until I’m ready to staff. I’m really hoping that when I receive my report from Dr Gloria Dura Vila’s team, that it will really help them to understand PDA better.